Why Leaving Your Career Feels Like Grief (And Why That's OK)
The narrative has always been that if you worked hard in school and applied yourself, you would be rewarded with a job that is both financially secure and spiritually fulfilling. And while that narrative is crumbling before our eyes, many of us felt disillusioned with the conventional career path long before AI and stagnant wages and mass layoffs.
I knew it wasn't for me within a few months of my first "big-girl" job. I remember feeling envious of my colleagues who seemed so content. To me, it felt like my life had become about checking things off a to-do list, buying work clothes online, and spending my weekends grocery shopping and meal prepping. Where was the sense of meaning and purpose? It seemed to have taken a backseat to things like performance metrics and professionalism, all of which felt so empty.
For the next 15 years I pivoted from job to job, city to city, country to country in search of work that didn't feel like a too-tight sweater. I finally had to admit to myself that I simply did not fit into these boxes. Not teacher, not advisor, not supervisor, not trainer, not case manager. These labels all required me to shrink too much.
And this realization made me sad.
Sad because, would I ever belong? And what was I supposed to do with these weird skills and gifts I seemed to have? Would I ever be able to share them? And the deepest cut of all: did any of it even matter?
I thought there must be something wrong with me. Everyone else seemed to be fine with their regular jobs and their 2 week vacations and their salad bowls for lunch. They were fine with their 6am alarms and 45-minute commutes and Thursday happy hours. They weren't bothered by the professional platitudes and living for the weekend. But I was not fine. And if I couldn't find an environment where I was fine, surely that was a me problem right?
The truth that I can only see now is that I had to go through the grief to get to the freedom on the other side. I had to grieve my professional identity that I had worn as an armor for so many years. I had to grieve the ability to easily answer the question "what do you do for work?" I also had to grieve easy(ish) access to societal metrics for success like getting a mortgage or taking out a car loan. Even small things like regular manicures expensive skin care routines.
Letting go of conventional employment required me to strip away many layers of false identity that when worn, allow those of us who are sensitive and intuitive to move through the world under the radar, like chameleons. We are accepted. Letting go of that is hard, and there is grief involved.
The grief is also about mourning the loss of a life we once dreamed of. Many of us hoped to live into the dream we were sold; the one we thought being a good employee would provide access to.
And what happens when we discover that that dream simply demanded too much from us? When we admit that we are not willing to trade our freedom and wholeness for a perception of stability and success?
After the grief, we have no other choice but to allow the mask to fall and step out into the world with our unmanicured nails and hard-to-define roles.
And with our true self and vulnerability on full display, we get to see what happens when we give ourselves permission to be who we really are, and do what we are here to do.
We get to see what happens when we allow our curiosity to guide us and release our death-grip on a specific, narrow outcome.
What I have found after living this way for the last six years is that when you step into the void, you discover that it is made of fertile ground. And where there is space and light and soil, flowers bloom.
The process of having a life and living that is an evolution of your soul and an expression of your gifts requires you to grieve the version of yourself who wanted so desperately to be like everyone else; to fit the mold and be satisfied with the status quo. Doing so is one of the most liberating gifts you can offer yourself. It promises to be an adventure.
Alex Rizzi (MSEd) is an integrative career coach, hypnotherapist, and soon-to-be psychotherapist. She helps people decondition from extractive systems and build careers rooted in sovereignty. If this article resonated, take her free quiz to discover your Liberated Career Archetype or book a free chat here.